Infertility is an emotional rollercoaster—there’s no other way to describe it. One of the hardest parts for me has been managing my expectations. When I first started this journey, I didn’t know how much it would challenge my patience, my mindset, and my ability to stay open to the unknown. But over time, I’ve learned some important lessons that have helped me manage my expectations and keep my emotional balance.
If you’re going through this journey, here are four things that have made a difference for me.
1. Educate Yourself: Be Prepared for Every Possibility
One of my biggest mistakes early on was not mentally preparing for the possibility of IVF. I dismissed the idea completely, thinking, That won’t happen to me. I focused only on the next step, thinking if I didn’t plan for IVF, it wouldn’t become part of my reality. But then, suddenly, it did. I found myself navigating a world I wasn’t ready for, overwhelmed by the cost, frequency of appointments, and medications.
Looking back, I wish I had educated myself more thoroughly—about not just the next step, but all the potential steps down the road. If you’re going through infertility, I encourage you to learn as much as you can about your options, even the ones that feel far away. You don’t have to dive in deeply, but being mentally prepared will help you avoid feeling blindsided if your journey takes an unexpected turn.
2. Understand That Statistics Aren’t Personal
When I first started treatment, I relied heavily on statistics to set my expectations. I remember thinking, There’s a 20-25% chance that someone like me will get pregnant with IUI—so I’ll definitely be pregnant by my fourth round. But that mindset only led to frustration and disappointment.
It’s important to understand the data and use it to guide your decisions, but don’t let it dictate your expectations. Statistics don’t equate to individual success. Just because something works for 25% of people doesn’t mean it will work for you—and that’s okay. Every person’s journey is different, and it’s important to be open to the fact that a certain treatment might not work for you, even if the odds seem favorable.
3. Practice Patience: The Journey Is Long
Infertility has a strange way of making time feel like it’s moving both too fast and too slow. The waiting can feel unbearable. There are always more tests—blood work, ultrasounds, semen analyses—before you can even begin treatments. And then there are setbacks, like the time I had to postpone an IUI cycle due to COVID, or the time I had to cancel an IVF cycle because my ultrasound didn’t show enough progress.
These delays feel like time slipping away, which is especially hard when you feel like every month is precious. But I’ve learned that patience is one of the most important things you can practice. Infertility treatments take time—sometimes more time than we want to accept. When setbacks happen, remind yourself that it’s part of the process. Patience doesn’t make the waiting easier, but it does help soften the blow when things don’t go as planned.
4. Be Open: Your Path May Look Different Than You Imagined
When I started this journey, I was quite rigid in my thinking. I never imagined I’d need IVF, and I certainly never thought I’d be considering other paths like adoption or surrogacy. But after multiple failed transfers, I’ve had to start thinking about what my future might look like if things don’t go the way I hope.
Right now, I want to become a mom more than anything, and I still have hope for that. But I’ve also learned to keep my mind open to other possibilities. Whether that means exploring adoption, surrogacy, or even embracing a life without children, I’m learning to expand my horizons. The road to parenthood isn’t always straight, and the path you end up on might look different than the one you envisioned. Being open to all possibilities has helped me manage my expectations and find peace, even in uncertainty.
Final Thoughts
Managing expectations during infertility is a journey in itself. It’s about staying informed, understanding that your path may look different from the statistics, and practicing patience when setbacks happen. Most importantly, it’s about staying open to where life might take you, even if that path looks different than you first imagined.
Infertility is a test of strength, patience, and resilience. By managing your expectations, you can navigate the emotional highs and lows with more balance and grace.
What strategies have helped you manage your expectations during infertility? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and let’s support each other through this challenging journey.
